Books Worth Your Time
Here you'll find a personal selection of books covering mental health and trauma, sexuality, queerness, relationships, and ethical non-monogamy. This list grows over time, and I'm always looking to expand it with more diverse and meaningful recommendations. If you know a book worth adding, especially one that centres queer voices and experiences, I'd love to hear from you.
On Mental Health & Trauma
Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
by Dr. Julie Smith
Think of this book as a gentle, practical companion for the harder days. Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist, collects and explains some of the most useful therapy tools into something anyone can actually pick up and use: whether you're navigating low mood, anxiety, self-doubt, or emotional pain. Sometimes we just need a warm reminder to come back to the basics of taking care of ourselves, and this book does exactly that.
The Body Keeps the Score
by Bessel van der Kolk
This is one of those books that genuinely changed how the field thinks about trauma. Bessel van der Kolk explores how traumatic experiences live not just in our minds, but in our bodies too, and what it actually takes to heal from the inside out. From EMDR to yoga to neurofeedback, he opens up a whole landscape of approaches that go beyond talk therapy. I found it so rich that I wrote about my biggest takeaways in this article — feel free to start there if you want a taste before diving into the book itself.
The Child in You
by Stefanie Stahl
One of the books I read long before I became a therapist and one I still use with many clients as the foundation of our work together. Stefanie Stahl explores how unresolved childhood experiences quietly shape our adult relationships and patterns. What resonates so deeply here, and connects beautifully with EFIT, is the idea that healing is really about coming back to yourself. A warm, practical read with exercises to help you do just that.
On Sexuality
Come as You Are
by Emily Nagoski
Honestly? This is the sex education I wish I'd had growing up. Emily Nagoski unpacks the science of female sexuality in a way that feels both eye-opening and deeply reassuring — covering desire, arousal, and sexual well-being with research-backed insights that will likely change how you see yourself. It's the kind of book that makes you feel less broken and more human. I loved her work so much I wrote about it on my blog — a good place to start if you're curious.
Sex Talks
by Vanessa Marin
If talking about sex with your partner feels awkward or just hard — this book is for you. Vanessa Marin brings warmth, humor, and a lot of practical wisdom to the conversation, with exercises, conversation starters, and personal stories that make the whole thing feel a lot less daunting. Because a fulfilling sex life isn't just about what happens in the bedroom it's about how well we can talk about it (read more).
The Erotic Mind
by Jack Morin
A fascinating dive into the psychology of desire. Jack Morin invites readers to look honestly and curiously at their fantasies, not with shame, but as a doorway to deeper self-understanding and sexual fulfilment. If you've ever wanted to understand why you want what you want, this book offers a thoughtful and surprisingly moving exploration of the erotic self.
On Being Queer
Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality
by Julia Shaw
As a bi/queer person, this book made me feel genuinely seen. Julia Shaw brings together the cultural, historical, and scientific sides of bisexuality, unpacking the stereotypes, the erasure, the complexity of identity, in a way that feels both validating and eye-opening. Whether you're bisexual yourself, questioning, or simply want to understand more, this is a rich and important read that will shift how you think about sexuality, identity, and belonging.
All Boys Aren’t Blue
by George M. Johnson
I loved this book. George M. Johnson writes with such raw honesty about growing up queer and Black, and the essays are so personal that you genuinely feel alongside them through every moment. Through their stories, you really feel how limiting and painful rigid gender norms can be, and how much is at stake when someone doesn't fit neatly into the boxes society creates. It's the kind of read that stays with you, quietly prompting you to reflect on privilege, identity, family, and belonging long after you've put it down. And despite the depth of what it covers, it flows so easily, you'll fly through it.
Before We Were Trans
by Kit Heyam
I'll be honest with you — this one was a slow read for me. It's written in a scholarly style, so it requires a bit more patience than the others on this list. But if you stick with it, the perspective it offers on the history of gender is genuinely fascinating and quietly radical. It challenges so much of what we take for granted about gender norms, exploring how our current understandings of gender are far more recent and constructed than we might think. If the book feels too dense, I'd really recommend looking up the author's podcasts as a lighter way in and a great alternative to still get those insights without the heavy reading.
On Relationships
Hold Me Tight
by Sue Johnson
Sue Johnson is a pioneer in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and this book is honestly one of the best things you can read if you want to understand what makes relationships work. She breaks down how our attachment patterns shape the way we connect, argue, and pull away from the people we love, and offers a clear and compassionate path toward more secure, intimate bonds. Practical, warm, and genuinely transformative. A book I return to again and again, both personally and in my work with clients.
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work
by John Gottman
John and Julie Gottman have spent over 40 years studying what actually makes relationships last, and this book is the distillation of all that research into something genuinely useful. The seven principles they outline are practical and grounded in real couples, real conflicts, and real love. If you want to understand how to build trust, deepen emotional intimacy, and navigate the inevitable hard patches together, this is a solid and reassuring place to start.
Mating in Captivity
by Esther Perel
Esther Perel asks one of the most honest questions in relationship work: can desire really survive closeness? This book explores the tension between intimacy and eroticism in long-term relationships, and challenges so many of the assumptions we hold about love, passion, and what commitment is supposed to look like. Provocative, warm, and full of insight. If this resonates, her follow-up book The State of Affairs is absolutely worth picking up too, for a deeper look at infidelity and desire.
On Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)
The Non-Monogamy Playbook
by Ruby Rare
After reading quite a few books on ethical non-monogamy, this one stands out. Ruby Rare writes in a way that feels current, inclusive, and genuinely easy to follow, and the reflection questions at the end of each chapter make it as much a personal journey as a read. It challenges your assumptions gently but meaningfully. And honestly? I think this is a valuable read even if monogamy is your path, it has a way of questioning some of the common misconceptions around relationships and love that most of us have never thought to examine. A warm, thoughtful, and very welcome addition to the conversation. Also available on Spotify if you prefer to listen!
The Ethical Slut
by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
First published in 1997, this is a true classic in the world of ethical non-monogamy and for good reason. Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy were ahead of their time, bringing a radical and unapologetic approach to consensual non-monogamy long before the conversation entered the mainstream. They walk you through the practicalities of transitioning into non-monogamy, whether that looks like polyamory, an open relationship, or something entirely your own, and don't shy away from the harder parts either, addressing common fears, jealousy, boundaries, and the kinds of conversations most of us find uncomfortable. A grounding and liberating read.
Polysecure
by Jessica Fern
Don't let the title fool you into thinking this is only for people practising polyamory. Jessica Fern opens with a deep and accessible exploration of attachment styles and how they quietly shape the way we show up in all of our relationships, and that part alone is worth the read for anyone, whatever your relationship style. The rest of the book builds beautifully on that foundation for those navigating non-monogamy specifically. Honestly one of those books I wish more people would pick up.
